Walls closing in on me , leaving me breathless.
Forcing its pain, leaving me heartless.
Breaking the spirit, leaving me careless.
Stealing life from within me, leaving me motionless..
Breathe.
Take me to the zenith,
then trash me down
an inconvincible defeat.
I can take no more.
Fear.
Cognizant vulnerablity
Too hard to miff, yet omnipresent
How long would this last,
would forever finally make sense?
Believe.
Closed eyes and parted lips,
an Opera of the Last Goodbye
Let the bandwagons loose
Fare thee well, My Self.
End.
Tried something new- Free verse. Critical evaluation requested!
Awesome work, Your poem describes the end in such a way that the reader almost feels it. And in case of me it took time to get off the spell the end. Nice poem, some day it will be counted in classics.... Take my word.
ReplyDeletewow.. Classics, you really think???
ReplyDeleteyou emote beautifully but say, try to tone down on the vocabulary, for simple peeps like moi to understand.
ReplyDeleteBasil,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much.
And yes, I do understand.. This poem However, I felt..needed the strength of the words to bring out the emotions..
But yes, I shall try to keep it Simple.
Do try reading the ones I wrote before this, they are of simple language and theme..
:) Thank you for visiting!
And I love your Name! :)
a dhakkan bachcha gets intelligence wen she writes! ponky b like this forever n keep it up :)
ReplyDeleteA dhakkan unkel needs to brush up his internet skills!
ReplyDelete:P
Thank you..!
a buddhu bachcha gets angry so quickly that m afraid of getting angry as well! :(
ReplyDeletea Buddhu Buddha(old guy).. is always shouting his lungs out! :/
ReplyDeleteTy for liking my name, its a fragrant herb, and in Hindi it is feminine - Tulsi :P I <3 ur name too, or at least the few girls I know well by that name ... you could well be another, if you keep churning out your creativity as well as you are :)Actually, I do understand what I read and I surmise, I will able to - the earlier ones' and those to come :)
ReplyDeleteYes Basil..
ReplyDeleteI know! That is why I love it..such a fragrance.. :)
Tulsi..is a type..but not as same as Basil..
My Name is way too popular..! :(
I would love to have your comments..and it'll help me improve!Thank you Basil!