Bell Bajao: A We Men Initiative for Women

Under the latest initiative aptly titled, INDICHANGE, Indiblogger in association with BREAKTHROUGH organised the Ring The Bell Campaign on a wonderful evening of the 8th of March, internationally marked as Woman's Day at the British Council in New Delhi amongst an august gathering of bloggers, entrepreneurs, activists and media persons. Their slogan being- When Men Gather, It's Not Always Trouble.

The idea behind this is that starting from March 8th 2013 to March 8th of 2014, they are motivated to make one million pledge their solidarity to end violence against women.




THE AGENDA

The best part about getting a list of the agenda for a meet, is that it helps you decide whether attending it would be worth it or not. And this event, hit the right spot when it came to both- the Cause and the Celebration.

This IndiChange initiative looks at men pledging to fight in their own ways to end violence against women. So, in the course of the evening we saw men from an array of fields, investors, industrialists, service men, farmers, doctors, pilots and more pledge their solidarity for the cause.



After the general introduction about the projects and initiatives taken hitherto, the sessions moved on to the first theme wherein we heard from female entrepreneurs such as Indira Jaisingh and Priya Kaul who discussed how economics and gender roles work hand-in-hand and how making women economically independent can empower them to a great extent. One particular woman entrepreneur who runs a school in her village on her own, spoke in a recorded video clip- " Pankh se kuch nahi hota, Hauslon se Udaan hoti hai" ( It isn't wings that make you fly, it is the courage that does.) After this followed the Tea break, during which Mahabanoo Mody-Kotwal performed. And true to her name, she is a charmer. Her grace and posture, made me skip my coffee( Yes, it is a BIG deal!) and kept me glued to my seat. The best name that I can give to her performance would be to call it.. The Vaginal Monologues. She in her poetic eloquence, portrayed the insensitivity with which female sexuality is looked at and the manner in which people draw imageries out of it. For instance, the vagina is in some cultures of India, called Talwar ka Mayaan( Mayaan meaning the sword-cover). It was a pleasure to listen to her poem "Imagine" in particular where she talks about a white porcelain statue, draped with a black cloth and how the black cloth is representative of  the cloak that the society has draped on to the woman- it is torn and people like dogs are snatching at it.

This was followed by a wonderfully energizing performance by Swarathma. The band had been marking an edge in the music circuits of India and I had been excited about their performance and they failed to disappoint me! It was exhilarating to see the lead singer, flail his "larger than life" hair zip-zap-zoo and I fluttered my head too, in a failed attempt to enact him. I shouted out to my blogger friend, Akanksha- I want a Wig like that!! To which she stared at him for a while and then innocently  nodded in denial- His hair is for real. He isn't wearing a wig!

They played some amazing pieces and their lyrics addressed social stigmas related to gender, sexual harassment and human rights. The emotions that swarmed over us with the blend of words and music, took us to a different world altogether as we swayed and clapped furiously as if our lives depended on it!
Such was the effect!


The second series of discussions were on the question of "objectification" of women in the film industry, which was discussed by a panel consisting of Rahul Bose, Ryan Mendonca, Advaita Kala and Anoop Johnson. It was quite disappointing to see how Rahul Bose made sugary comments and quotes to please the audience and when asked about the online exploitation that women face, he said, he isn't much of an online person and thus isn't aware of the same. But thankfully, due to my work area, I know for certain that Rahul Bose is active on Twitter and he interacts through mails and is very much "aware" of the world wide web scenario. Also, he asserted how men should now "give rights to women" as if it were a piece of land that needed to be transferred!




Nevertheless, he made a few interesting points on how the industry must quit genderification of roles that eventually get on to define and re-instate power relations in the society at large. Advaita Kala made interesting points too, regarding her female protagonists such as that of a pregnant woman searching for her husband in the film, Kahaani and also implicitly reflecting her sexuality with the tinge of romance she added between the lady and the inspector who was helping her find her husband.







After a discussion that seemed to reach to no other conclusion than to the basics such as respect women, they are as deserving as men, and the subtlety of power-relations in society; it was now time for the best part about the evening- Anoushka Shankar!

https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/delhi-bloggers-meet-to-ring-the-bell/

My mum loves listening to Late Pdt. Ravi Shankar and I thus, grew up listening to ragas, without learning much about them but nonetheless, whenever I listen to them, I find peace and serenity like nothing else. So when I got to know that Anoushka Shankar would be performing at the event, I knew I was attending it. She mesmerized me- with her grace, her poise- She resembled Goddess Saraswati for me that evening- I am an agnostic and thus, whatever I have heard of Goddess Saraswati till date, I saw in her. Beauty, Talent , Grace and Brilliance oozed out of her. I sat dazzled by her and though all my friends started to leave (it was getting really late and Delhi is infamous for its night life especially for women) I could not even bade goodbye to them- she had such a soothing effect on me- I felt powerless and yet, good- in fact much better than I have in a long long time!

www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151461374637492.1073741827.345825362491&type=3

I was so struck by her that on my way back home, I typed these words from my mobile on Facebook and within a few minutes, so many people Liked the status, which speaks for itself.

Want to know what other bloggers thought of it? Follow the comments via this link--  https://www.facebook.com/priyanka.dey1/posts/552018014830482

Thus, when a Chetan Bhagat in the name of Celebrating Woman's day ends up celebrating stereotypes of women in his article in Times of India-  http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/The-underage-optimist/entry/five-things-women-need-to-change-about-themselves
and writes "What’s the point of collectively harping on equality, when as individuals, you are happy to lapse into being clueless eye flutterers, just to keep men happy?"
With this point made,he gives advice and suggestions to women to harbour in "Equality" in our lives.

Oh yes, of course, we are all eye flutterers here. Whether we are doctors, typists, radio jockeys, dieticians, economists, mathematicians, directors, engineers, actors, scientists and a thousand other things. But for men like you, we'll be eye flutterers to you. Always!

But one thing for sure, the last thing We women need, is advice from a man who stereotypes women in the first place. Earlier,I despised your writing, Mr.Bhagat. Now I despise you and men who think like you do.

Ever since the wave of feminism swept across the globe in the 1970's and 80's, theorists, researchers and of course, feminists have strived to find the roots of exploitation of women in the society over time, and have come up with patriarchy to be a source of assertion of male scrutiny over a woman's role in the public (society) as well as the private (household) sphere. Over these years, the basis has always been to identify the causes of the exploitation. However, I believe that time has come to move over to more consequential matters, such as, What Is The Way Out? How Do We Now Ensure That Women Are Not Subjected to Any Form of Atrocity Or Exploitation?

The easiest method of solving it, proved to be blaming the ones who seemed to spear-heading the patriarchal hold- Men. Thus, arose an unnatural instinct in women to undo, de-construct whatever men have done and achieved till now and re-do them on their own. Some began hating men, and thus the institutions such as marriage, relationships, families etc. Not wearing a bra, to wearing trousers that only men wore, using razors for hair removal to not shaving hair at all- every possible treatment was tried and tested.

Everything except actually looking for a solution.

As much as we blame the men for being so dominating, it holds equally true that a woman herself at times, in the name of culture, family prestige and continuance of heritage and morals, reinstates patriarchy. The social conditioning is such that none of us have ever questioned it.  So every time a mother asks the daughter to learn to cook and cajoles his son to go out and play, every time that you see a girl wearing short skirts and twitch your lips judging her background, her family, her intentions and ambitions; while either you compliment the handsome guy coming out of the pub or don't even look at him passing by, but never judge him- These are all Symptoms of Gender-fication or Stereotyping. Please Stop right there and turn around.

Time for blaming or even giving advices to each other has gone. It is high time that we start acting. Both of us- men and women alike! "Be the Change you Wish to See in the World" is probably one of the few Gandhian techniques that are still in vogue and that still works... So why not make use of it? Women- respect each other and be proud of yourselves- never give in to compromise your dignity and Men- learn to treat women equally. She is a mother, a daughter a sister , a wife to someone, if not yours. Break away from the stereotyping and re-visit society with a fresh outlook. Be The Change- IndiChange! Proud to be a part of it.

Here are some pictures from the event- They have not been clicked by me but by my blogger friends. They also have covered the event in their own styles and words. Do have a look at their posts too! Cheers!

Indian Home-maker-
https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/delhi-bloggers-meet-to-ring-the-bell/

Ritu Lalit-
http://phoenixritu.com/ring-the-bell/

Aabha Vatsa
http://www.smilewidabha.com/2013/03/a-rocking-international-womens-day.html

Questions of Gender Equilibrium

I am not an author. I write. I opinionate. Some people think that being a blogger does not mean you are a writer. Definitions confuse me, for I as a human am not bound to learn them, or believe them if I don't wish to believe them. While I cannot stand it when a man harasses a woman in any form of the word, I cannot stand it either when a girl uses it to harass a man. In this so-called "enlightened" world where we study Gender as a tool of analysis, what we forget it what the term "Gender" constitutes. For those who don't know, it means,
according to Wikipedia, Gender studies is a field of interdisciplinary study and academic field devoted to gender identity and gendered representation as central categories of analysis. This field includesWomen's studies (concerning women, feminism, gender, and politics), Men's studies, and LGBT studies.

Well you must be wondering what's gotten into me today! Hah, well I am usually misunderstood to be a feminist. I only take gender studies, VERY seriously. Just looking at the whirls of time, there was one when women cried and begged to be heard, with evidences of blood, violence and lust smeared all over her and yet people disbelieved her.

And now the time is such that, if a man makes a gesture, which maybe questioning or contesting to a woman's opinion or thought, he is said to be a harasser? And you would be surprised to know that this case erupts right amidst the Literati Group I have on Facebook.

To give you an overview. A Book reviewer adds an author. They have a chat. Which becomes the fundamental cause of all the eruptions henceforth. In the chat, the author is inquisitive whether the person's profile is fake or not ( Yes, alarmingly, a lot of fake profile have been made on Facebook.) And then laughs when she tells him her blog-name. The way she addresses herself as "Mam" who reviews book. This may sound funny to anyone. That does not make him/her a harasser.

Also, she wrote a status about it and tagged all the authors she has recently added on Facebook. I mean were they blind enough otherwise, to not see it, unless she had other intentions..well..!

Anyways,

Here are some of the things I have to say regarding this entire fiasco. To the authors, reviewers, publishers and people who read or are anyhow involved.

1.Just because I think a profile is Fake, I question you, what do you do..whether the profile pic is yours or not.. what do you do, besides reviewing.. That makes me a harasser if I am a male? WHAT IF IT WAS ME, Girl? Would that make me a harasser too?

2. I think most of us are missing the point. Irrespective of whether he is from whatever educational institution( education at a higher level and authorship must not have a connection, considering all those who write today.) , whether he writes proper english or not ( like you yourself haven't written the status in proper english, let's leave writing a book) , or anything else.

Especially that he spams the walls, groups pages with his promotions.  I mean hello, most of you spam walls. Don't you? Anyone who does not post about his/her upcoming books? the interviews? That makes you a harasser?

I don't know that guy too well. Just another result of social networking!! My point here is, just because a person asks if you have a fake profile or not, and just because he is a man, does not make him a harasser. If that man has said something explicit, we request you to kindly give us a copy of the chat. Rather than tagging people *(in your words, making them aware) ...

The truth is everyday we get atleast 20 friend requests, most of them are unknown to us. I at least accept them, looking at the enormous number of mutual friends we have. They may be fake. If someone questions, why does that hurt the woman's ego? And would she bring it in this shade of an opinion if the accuser had been a female? instead f that man?

As of now, this is what she gave as an evidence. Here is a screenshot of a chat she had:

His mistake was to write : "Review mam hahah would love to have something else also apart from review" which was a satirical remark he made because he thought this was a fake profile, and she replied that she does book reviews so he simply asked what else does she do, as a profession.

However, after his haha-debacle he realised he might have hurt this girl, in case she wasn't fake, so he apologised.Not once but many times.

To conclude, All I can say is that all of it was nothing more than a misunderstanding, which could have defamed someone who is struggling to make a niche for himself in this great wide world of literati. 

Also, I urge all my readers to understand the equality of gender. Yes, women have been exploited, ignored and I would always stand up for them. As much as I possibly can. But one must also recognise and accept with greater humility that men and women have equal rights, equal opportunities to claim equality not just before law, but MINDSET. There was a man involved in all of this and hence many of the commentators supported the girl. But what if I had raised questions over the fact of whether her profile is real or not. Then people would have got the logic, like they subsequently got. But my point is, how fair is it? What if, I had not come across this entire thread of discussions? What if I never stood up for this man, who was simply misunderstood? He is not a phenomenal writer or someone very proficient in English. He is just another author among the plethora of those who wish to write, whether they can do it well or not,  is a different issue altogether.

Anyhow,

 I request at least authors to refrain from forming an opinion without having much knowledge about the scene. for the sake of a "community" that calls itself to be united and helping each other. I hate to see it diffusing like this, without any evidence

I respect those who face these things and come out to raise their voices. I am still not supporting him, all m saying is I think..You misinterpreted his words and of course, not so good English too. :) Just accept it rather than making a hue and cry of it!

Friends, let us solemnly swear to use proper English. That should be the moral of this story. :)