Sunday, December 21, 2014

Pre-Marital Sex: Love Lust or Luck? Who decides



     S  e  x
Sex.. Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s talk about it. Oh, not so loud? In hushed tones, discreet coded words and whispers?
Because it is something we are ashamed of doing..thinking..imagining..talking?
And if talking of sex isn’t bad enough, I happen to be too young to talk of it? Not married, but crossed puberty! Ah! Like the “khuli tijori” , “ghodi bina lagaam”, “kali kawari” tags that the society entails upon us, we’re utterly vulnerable, on the verge of tearing the hymen at any pretext, we love having chowmein and listening to songs sung by hot guys and chicks ..
Well… wake up!
No, seriously?! At an era when a girl reaches puberty at even 10 or 11years of age, we can tell her what menstruation is but not tell her why it happens? What is the process of conception of human beings and that we do not fall from the sky or that angels don’t fly us down from the Heaven! Moreover, we expect that in this day and age where internet is our biggest saviour, children won’t know what is porn, chatting, or won’t enrol into social networking sites? Is that even possible?
Even doctors tell us that sexual thought and sexual consciousness is an inevitable part of growing up. Our body develops and certain changes take place that heighten our inquisitiveness about them. It is a natural phenomenon!
These feelings are further stressed upon by factors such as internet, peers, media, films etc. However, the important point here is that “sex” is not just a social construct but rather a biological one that is innate to a human.
When all of this is so clear to us then what fails to make sense to me is that why this emphasis on “virginity”? Post the advent of globalisation, liberalisation phenomena, men and women have come together to build a strong global economy which includes a lot of hard work, dedication and commitment. Hence, it is understandable that career has taken a step ahead in the list of priorities for both men and women.
In such circumstances, as a consequence marriage has taken a back seat. People have started marrying late and focus on being stable before getting married. However this does not mean that they don’t think of sex, or don’t feel the need for love, intimacy and companionship! Like I mentioned earlier, it is a biological process. Then what is it that we want when we say that “pre-marital sex is a sin/taboo” or that “pre-marital sex is all about the body and not the heart and thus only lust”?
Such a mentality only reflects how we have moved on with developments while we have kept one foot still at the crease. How will we move ahead in that case? Let us not forget that it is pre-marital sex and not pre-martial sex. Blowing things out of proportion only leads to its bursting off loud, right?

I understand the complexities of pre-marital sex. I am also aware of how hot this topic is; one mention of it and the world comes running to you with an opinion. The point is that irrespective of who think what and in spite of who thinks whether premarital sex comes within the ambit of moral and ethical conduct of the society or not, it is and it should be entirely up to two adult individuals to agree on whether to have a sexual intercourse or not.
And no, a sexual intercourse does not necessarily have to lead to marriage and kids and old age. It can just be an expression of love between two consenting individuals and that’s that!
I threw this topic up to a bunch of my girlfriends- over texts, whatsapp, and even when I met some of them. Almost 80% of them had not had sexual intercourse yet. However, about 90% of them had had making out sessions, most of them had embarrassing ones or quickies and they wished they had felt more comfortable during them. Out of fifteen of them, only 5 admitted to masturbation while some others had doubts regarding it. A common question to them was..
If they were given a comfortable environment, say a room minus the hassles of the inquiry in hotels or interference of parents or their attitude towards an unmarried couple in a closed room, would they have had sex with their partner?

Almost all of them agreed, and the ones who said no, said so because they didn’t trust their partner that much, which is totally ok and in fact, good. One of my older friends in fact retorted, “One must be open for sex. In fact, if you fall in love with a guy and end up sleeping with him, don’t end up marrying him please!” That was an interesting analysis coming from her because she is herself married. She explained, “See, after you sleep with a man, he thinks, if you have slept with him, there are chances that you may have done so before as well; as if you’ve always been open to it!”
I asked how that was a problem. She may have been in love before! Even he could have, right?
“Hahaha, for a boy it doesn’t matter whether he sleeps with one woman or a hundred. But a woman can’t. It then affects her character. He may end up marrying her, but he won’t respect her like before. He’ll doubt her somewhere in his mind. And no, there are no exceptions!”
Well, that’s some food for thought, ladies and gentlemen! I do not know how true or false this perspective is! If you have an opinion regarding it, let me know..!
Sex is part of our palette of things..along with the basic necessities of life..roti ..kapda and makaan..
While I am all for it, I do think that is a very important decision. One must be fully aware of the physical and emotional circumstances and must know how to deal with them. They should go ahead only when they want to and trust their partner enough. Also, all precautions must be taken with great care and knowledge about the repercussions.
While the society should not judge people on the basis of their sexual virginity (virginity of the mind , well yes, now that must be explored further! J), even we as responsible adults should make decisions that do not cause us problems later on. Whatever we do in life, regret must not be one of them! Love is a beautiful feeling and there is nothing wrong with sex, premarital or otherwise. It should not be forced, it should not insult, hurt or degrade others (by that I do not mean don’t make love because Mr.Sharma doesn't want you to have sex and you having sex may hurt his sentiments.. That’s just crass!) Jeeyo and Jeene do, is the clear funda. And yes, please spare us from the weirdest forms of embarrassing PDAs(Public Display of Affection) and seriously guys, GO GET A ROOM ! J

This post has been written for the prompt “Pre-marital sex- Yes or No” hosted by Indiblogger in association with Poonaam Uppal, who has written a book regarding the same theme, A Passionate Gospel of True Love-A true Love Story . Do check the book out and if you liked this post, leave in a comment! J Thank you!
If you are an Indi-Blogger then please do vote for my post HERE . You're awesome! J


  1. Well, no wonder there are so few rooms in the colonies around the North campus... :)
    But seriously, you've put this issue in a perspective that only someone in the twenties can or could have.
    Thanks for writing such a readable piece.

    Arvind Passey

  2. Priyanka..I absolutely agree with each and every points highlighted here....
    Shalet Jimmy

  3. Jeeyo and Jeene do great han :)

    I like your thoughts and powerful English hehe :)))))

  4. Powerful views, sociological research, slight zaniness make this one a fun read. Plus sex is a crowd-favourite topic. :D My views are pretty similar too. :)

  5. That clearly shows the satan side of human race which has become more dominant...sadly that's kalyug...:(

  6. Ha ha ...."seriously guys, GO GET A ROOM ! J" good one...I agree with your views...And no doubt majority of young generation guys would agree with you....Keep on writing... :)


  8. Thank you Abhyu! I am sure we've had too many discussions on this one too! :D

  9. I agree Robin! But the thing is..the change has to come from the society! You me..and the people around us need to get past the obsession we have about how the S word has so much of moral significance!

  10. Hehe Thanks Aryan! Glad you liked it!


Would love to have your comments!