Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I'll Always Be On Your Mind

 I will always be on your mind
Sometimes as a balm to the sore
and at times, the scar in memories behind
But I will always be on your mind.

You left me, with words unsaid
I kept asking, why 
You though Silences would speak
and you left Us, undefined
But I will always be on your mind.

As a ray of hope,
or incandescent whispers on your pillow
I shall leave some ash lying aside
to remind you of our burning love
I shall always be on your mind.

The day I go away, forever
would be the day I become yours
but till then this journey continues
over and over again, in
sleepless nights and warring rains
I shall always be on your mind.
If only your mind,it is.
I would die.
But if you come back, take those silences
and whisper your voice into words
I'd take you in my arms and tell you,
Yes, You are always on my mind. Always.

Book Review: The Cavansite Conspiracy by Manjiri Prabhu

The Cavansite Conspiracy

Author: Manjiri Prabhu
Format: Paperback
Genre: Suspense
Publication: Rupa Publication

Scene 1: Koyal Karnik lands in India to attend her best friend Jasraj's wedding. She thinks about how the left-handers have a bad time in India. Be it the lane driving, or the usual eating with right-hand, writing with the right hand etc. Things get worse in a society that thinks that being a left-handed person is a sin. She grows bitter out of her own experiences being a left-handed child.Similar incident in the wedding galore aches her mind.

Scene 2: In the wedding, she meets her  ex-flame Neel. Even after eight long years, to forgive and forget seems like a tumultuous task. Is she still in love with him? But she rejected his proposal, years back. Why was she regretting it now?

Scene 3: Jasraj is dead. There is a theft of a precious mineral stone called Cavansite. Koyal is being followed and searched by both the police and gangsters. How and when did she get involved in all this?

Scene 4: Chris Karver the author of the famous best-selling novel series, The Cavansite Conspiracy was to make his first public appearance in a talk-show. Who was this guy? And why were the incidents so closely associated with what was happening in the book as well?

The Good

- Presenting to you, a thriller, a plot that unravels mysteriously into multi-focal boomerangs triggering excitement in the reader's mind. This is a fast-paced novel that keeps you hinged on to it with its twists and turns.It fails to disappoint you.

- Like the lucidity in the language. No grammar mistakes. Easy to comprehend. 

-The Indian and international setting seems real with the author's intricate knowledge about the places she mentions and this adds tot he richness of the plot.

The Bad

- The sub-plots and their spacing are often too segregated. And it gets difficult to connect with it as a reader.But it also makes sense to still go ahead with these parallel streams till they converge into the main plot, when it all "makes sense". :)  The pace slows down in the wedding scene. It could have been shortened.Seems too stretched. 

- The connection between Neel and Koyal seems missing. There are reminisces alright, but they still love each other. That connect, could have been there.Certain moments were there, but we romantics wouldn't mind more, considering they have been apart for eight long years!

The Ugly

I wish you could see the happiness sprawled all over my face as I find nothing ugly with this book. Suspense thriller, not my cup of tea.But this one gelled beautifully with my cuppa of Mocha and choco-chip cookies. The wait..the wait for the suspense was like sweet pain though. With Manjiri Prabhu's skill and articulation, that was meant to be!

I will give it a 4 out of 5, the highest on my scale, till now. Looking forward to reading the other books by Manjiri Prabhu. Well yes, this is her sixth book. To know more, head on to the links below. But trust me, this is one Indian Suspense thriller, that'll satiate your Indian thirst for the Agatha Christie-s and Sidney Sheldon-s.

Buy The Cavansite Conspiracy at discounted rates from the following websites:


You can get in touch with the author or know more about her  via the following links

About Manjiri Prabhu

Dr. Manjiri Prabhu

 Manjiri worked as freelance Film Critic for the newspapers THE INDIAN EXPRESS and THE TIMES OF INDIA reviewing more than a hundred English, Hindi and Marathi films.
By profession, Manjiri is a Children’s Television Producer and a short filmmaker for over 20 years. She has produced over 200 programmes of various kinds, ranging from Quizzes to Drama and Documentary to Animation. Many of them have been scripted and edited by her.
Manjiri’s other major concern is Animal Welfare and well-being. She strives for the care and protection of stray dogs and cats in society.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Brim.

Photograph Copyright-James Rainsford
Post written at Dverbs

The brim is never reached

The flashes of memories, like thunderstorms

attack, sermon and misguide me

weaken me, and yet I 

gulp it down with a peg of vile.

The grief is at times, too intense

So much that you can hardly breathe

and yet take in, take in
and the kiln is never too hot
the pot never too full,
Ah! what a mighty heart Oh Lord!
Ah! a witty world this is! 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Waste Water..Waste Life!

The last drop settles on her palm
She catches her breath, her lips snarl
the little one stares at her, panting
defeat is not easy to gulp.

The elder one smiles,
and puts her palm closer to her dry lips
The tap shoots one last cry,
before oozing out that last bit of hope.

The little girl stands up,
it is the time to stage an act,
and starts wailing on a pitch so high,
even though her eyes are dry.

The other girl smiles,
settles the drop of water in the center of her palm
with caution, kneels and stretches it
near the little one's lips.

She stops crying, a faint smile urging up
and breaking into a curve, she looks at her sister
without any second thoughts, gulps it down
Sometimes defeat means no loss.

Imagine a world, where such acts
become a crude reality,
where Man dies not of diseases
but of thirst.

Let this not be real,
there is still time to heal.
To understand and learn
the ways of this world,
that Nature has created
not just the concretes made by us.

This World Water Day, Let us Pledge to do our own bit. For our own self. To Conserve is To Save, and Not Waste. Time to Act!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Whimpers of a Silenced Woman

It is indeed quite remorseful to admit how every morning nowadays seems to be bringing some news or the other about how Women have become easy targets of exploitation. While some influential women are celebrated, the inner pages of the newspapers showcase the vacuum in our society when it comes to the Aam Aurat.

Her Veil is her ornament, her beauty.
It would be wrong to ascertain such exploitations only to the Indian civilisation. Women in almost every spectra of society, in overwhelmingly all periods of time have been the easiest targets. It is with the innate knowledge of being accused to be a "feminist" I assert my proposition. I wish to assert my independence. To not just speak for myself, but for the women who are flummoxed into silence. The woman who is supposed to be the upholder of all traditions within the four walls of the house with utmost poignancy.

Be it the Civilisations like the Aztecs and Mayan, where Mother Cults were in use. She then, became the God of Fertility. Worshipped. But constrained. She was feared to be "too sexually enticing" with bulging breasts and voluptuous anatomy. Or the Egyptian, where she could be a Queen but not a woman. She had to assert her rights, in the realm of the Men. The Queens had to kill their male counterparts to prove their hegemony. She tried to take power in her hands and was poisoned. Not just once but time and again, as silently quoted by the walls of the mighty Pyramids- their eternal abode. Where they were worshipped, out of fear and not humility.
This was the story of the rich and the influential. Things got worse when it came to the common women. They were accused to be adulteresses, heretical and witches.
The Coy Her

The Renaissance society, is the astonishing of all. It is usually said to be the "Age of Enlightenment". But on the contrary, it took away the little power that women had earlier, in the Medieval Ages enjoyed. Woman was to be part of the Private Sphere of the man. They were to educate themselves but not for their own knowledge and expertise but in order to become an eligible companion to the Enlightened Man. She was supposed to be a Good daughter..wife..mother..and so on. Everything but a Woman. She could think about her father, her husband or her son..but not about her Self. Be it the Renaissance in Europe where books on how women should educate herself to be a good companion to the intellectual Man were written in great numbers.Or the Indian mythology, where a woman was married to the Pandavas and then she was betted in a game, to the opponent, who won.

All this makes me wonder.. Homo Sapiens have had a long trajectory of Evolution. But have Women been a part of this Big Evolutionary process too? Man has experienced changes- from forest dweller to a businessman; from raw to cooked sophisticated food; from caves to furnished marble floored flats and bungalows, from drapes to suits. Changes in mode of production made Man change himself and his surroundings accordingly. But what has not changed is the role of Women in his life. His mother is still expected to love him unconditionally. His wife should satiate his sexual and emotional desires and take care of his children. His daughter is supposed to uphold the "traditions" of his family till she is wed off.The circle of things continue.

The Naughty Her
Such chains need to be broken. Not that attempts haven't been made. Whenever Man has reached his point of exasperation, women have always showcased brilliant portrayal as a conquistador of her own rights and beliefs. But instead, they have always been used as buttresses for Man's own longing for evolution in the name of Revolutions. But then, she is quietened, mostly by her own kin. In the name of her family's respect or her dear ones, she has had to take back those crucial steps to her own freedom.

To say India achieved her freedom on 15th August, 1947 would be exaggeration. Because India wasn't just about those thousands of odd freedom fighters (mainly men), but also about those women who according to Gandhi should be upholders of morality and abstinence. Gandhi himself was a patriarch who encouraged women to stay domesticated and loyal to their households and "produce finer sons" for the motherland.

Hurt her and you hurt God

Patriarchy has been omni-present. Almost synonymous with God. Over and above histories and time. Silence is Golden, they say. But every cloud has a silver lining. Silver, however strong, breaks down when the cloud bursts. Thus when the strength of a woman is tested, her anger comes in bursts. Be it the Burn Bra movement of the 1980s, or the Pink Chaddi movement in the 2000s. But then Gold is tougher. It is like that Golden bangle women are often gifted  after they are born. She is supposed to wear it. And keep wearing it till it cuts the skin. Then it is cut through by a metal cutter and taken out. Silence is the kind of double-edged weapon that strikes both-the victim and the victor. During the entire process, women have been processed to learn the art of "Keeping Quiet".

The muted Goddess, she expresses with her chores, her work.
Her tears define her happiness and sorrow  
And her fists, her love or anger. 
Her cries show her passion and pain.  
That reside behind the layered lips 
concealed beneath the unrequited love 
that was never hers.

If there is this One single thing I would want to change, it is this Muted-ness.Women from all strata of the society must speak out for their selves-and narrate the stories of their struggle, their experiences. It is high time they let their voices to be heard. It saddens me to see how women themselves force each other to keep mum about the atrocities. Women are not sexual objects or maid-servants. Mothers, Daughter and Wives are to be loved and respected. But more than men, I would urge the ladies to realize their worth. If we ourselves do not realise our worth, then how do we expect anyone else to realize how special we are?
I have already started discussion societies in my college and my faculty, where we, both girls and boys sit down and discuss issues pertaining to the development of a holistic society which would have the desired awareness about how implicit and explicit exploitation prevails in our society and obtain solutions for them. These are then published in a journal, we call Saheli. More efforts such as this should be started in rural areas, where women feel embarrassed to talk of their self, their sexuality and personality.
The Change Must come, and it must come, Now.

She Hides so much in those Eyes..          

Let Her Smile..
Her innocence, is in her eyes

To sum it up, I would use a beautiful quote by Salma Hayek,

This post has been written as per the theme- Time to Change by Stayfree in association with Indiblogger.in

Friday, March 16, 2012

Book Review: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Jane Eyre

Format: Paperback
Publisher: Penguin Classics

Be it any society- Every kind of society seems to pre-determine the societal existence and her participation in it.Be it the Renaissance in Europe where books on how women should educate herself to be a good companion to the intellectual Man were written in great numbers.Or the Indian mythology, where a woman was married to the Pandavas and then she was betted in a game, to the opponent, who won. She was everything- A daughter, a sister..a wife..a daughter-in-law.. a participant in customary rituals..a mother and so on. Everything else but a woman. An entity. 

Jane Eyre is Charlotte Bronte's best crafted work, I believe. Not because it is written at a time when women had no self-identity of their own and were just meant to strengthen their father's or Husband's status in the society. 

Jane's character is somewhat related to Bronte's own life can can thus be called semi-autobiographical. She in the guise of Jane writes about the adversities she faced in her own life. This personal touch further enriches the novel.
The authoress has a poignant style of writing literature, so we cannot just call it a fiction novel.Rather, a piece of literature, and well ahead of its times. A simple read for those who wish to experience the depths of Love, and those who haven't experienced it yet, to make them fall into a love, beyond words. 
Through words.
It is a beautiful journey. A Must Read by one and all. I give it a 4.5 out of 5! 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A Void Named Vengeance

Drenched we are.

In your love.

Weak, like raining sand

We glisten in glee.

Happiness evaporates, the sun shines

we sit back, relax.

We grow like weathering rocks

crossing over each other's lines.

Soon we shall dry, the rain has stopped

you stand, ready to go

and I hunch back into my knees

we stare at the road-blocks 

I smile, you smirk and we both shake hands

"It was good, but now it's gone"

The sun has set, there is still time for a new dawn.

Its gone..Let the night flow in and take it's place

where Love resided, now lives a void named Vengeance.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Book Review- Love in Verses

Love in Verses-For you and Me
Price- Rs.130

Poetry is the most beautiful and poignant expression of them all. It is what at best, defines feelings, next to Silence. In today's times, writing a Novel seems to have become every other person's cuppa of cappuccino.  But with Poetry,one requires much more talent. But of course, we have no dearth of those, who love faking Talents too.
But Love in Verses is a wonderful concept from the very beginning to the end. 94 Poems by 20 poets- all from the community of Poets Corner in a social networking site called Facebook. Who would have thought that a Social networking site would generate such a project! 

Such anthologies have been doing the rounds in the Americas and Europe. But in India, this one is a gem of a piece. It has been a personal pleasure in knowing almost all the featured poets in here. And with that, I can also assure that the content of this book is of standard quality. The editorial team of Dr. Madhumita Ghosh and Mrs.Kavitha Rani did an excellent job with this book, as hundreds of entries flowed in within few days.

I Liked

- Madhumita Ghosh's Guns and Roses is a beautiful composition. The reader can almost imagine the imagery and  take in the deep metaphor in it.
- Karnika Mishra's All in the Dark interferes in the tussle between You and Me, with utter poignancy. It leaves the reader drenched with remorse and yet sweet ache.
- Satyn Bulchandani's My Black Pearl seems like seduction to me. It is as if someone is introducing me to my lover. The connection with the reader, especially if it is a female, is strong.
-Yaseen Anwar's Haiku, Silenht Wishes is simply breath-taking. It takes a lot of talent to emote in such a manner, in such less words.

I did not Like

The same problem of Disconnection, that I have with almost all poetry books. There is no connection between the poems.A short introduction would have made the reader connect to the poems in a better fashion.

Overall, reading this was a good experience! The very initiative deserves applause! And I really hope to see some more astounding works from the notorious world of Facebook, maybe then it shall become a better place to get ourselves addicted to, then!

You Can get more info about the book and buy it from here: http://www.cyberwit.net/publications/364

Friday, March 9, 2012

Book Review: The Evangelies of Birds of Prey by Azsacra Zarathustra

The Evangelies of Birds of Prey

Format: Paperback
Price: 15$
Publisher: Cyberwit.net
ISBN: 9788182532830
Genre: Philosophy
Author: Azsacra Zarathustra

The most fascinating part about reading Azsacra's works is that you are denuded from your frame of mind and are almost pushed into believing what he writes. As much as an atheist that I am, I was at times caught unaware when I almost felt like someone as Godly as God was talking to me. In a language so lucid that I could touch it's depth and yet, too cryptic to be deciphered.

Though I have been following his writings quite closely, his book, The Evangelies of Birds of Prey is my most recent purchase. I have lived with this book for about a month now and have been able to finish it now. The longest time I have taken so far, when it comes to reading a book! So my first caution would be, to those who think Spirituality is a cake-walk. And not just that, but for all those who feel that studying about Spirituality is for the idle-minded. You need to have the patience, depth and humility to read this book. It is one of those books that require you to be isolated from the world while you are reading it and it takes some part of you, re-defines it and presents it back to you, as you reach the end-cover page.

But his sense of spirituality is something that I have not hitherto experienced. He does not talk of salvation or what one does after his death. Azsacra on the other hand, talks of Man and God in this very world. He in this book, both ascertains as well as condemns God, or any such power that is deemed superior to the power of Man. He touches the sensitive knot between the human strangle for power and the hitherto unquestioned supremacy of power of the God.

As obvious to the title of the book, he through the imageries of Birds-the owls,eagles, larks : Animals-wolves, snakes,Scorpio: Religious Symbols- Water, Fire, Flower and Emotions such as Anger, Pride, Envy and Hatred  he defines how God is both the hunter and the pray, just like Man is. Then how is God superior to Man? As opposed to the prophecies of earlier thinkers, he asserts that "God is a suicide attacker.He dies every second, in point of fact, he overtakes Death before any dying."
"He never takes anybody else's pain: He is Pain within Pain, Death within death, Horror within horror."
Thus he reinstates that there exists no binary between God being good and Evil being Bad, and therefore he says that "It is imperative not only to be Beyond of good and evil but to Annihilate Evil and to Extirpate Good, to detach the cruelty of God from the cruelty of humankind."

In the above statement you would also notice how he wishes to clearly differentiate between Man and God.
In fact according to his philosophical concepts of the Overman and the Overnouman, he stresses that When Man combines His Will of Power, then he becomes a Man who has the strength as equal to as God. That high status of his Power can be reached only by following a certain form of living and disciplining of his life.
Notice the intensity of the Picture in the end Cover.. The Kiss on the Bird's beak and the tear from his eye. Beautifully created!

Those who wish to read alternate forms of Philosophy that actually makes more sense and seems more plausible than the extra-terrestrial, super-natural phenomenon that explain most of our cultural ethos should most definitely read Azsacra Zarathustra's books that are easily available over the net.

Read about him from here- Facebook
His Website- http://www.azsacra-zarathustra.ru/
You can Know and Buy his books from here: CYBERWIT

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Celebrating I Me Myself!

Celebrating Womanhood in Me!

I have written about 350 blog posts here, and have received so much love from all of you. It overwhelms me. This year, Woman's day seems to be different somehow. Maybe it is my age. The whole transition from a girl to a woman is  a procrastinating one, unless you feel each and every change in you and in the world around you. What is more significant is how the way people look at you and you look at yourself goes through a change. I being a poet, have observed a change in my writing style too. I do not fear to write about matured subjects and I have a better understanding of human behaviour and receptivity as compared to even a year back.
And just to make it clear, I feel proud to be the way I am today. I can speak for myself and for people around me. I don't take any form of exploitation from anyone and I give it back, when it comes to fighting for my respect.

But there is one thing that affects me- What does it take to be a woman? Is it this confidence? Or a clearer understanding about the hazards and advantages of being one? Most of us probably do not even think about it.This change that affects us, silently but vehemently. Is it a good thing, this realisation, as it does somehow bereft me of being the playful little child. Several questions wander my mind and I find no answer good enough to satiate this quench of reasoning in me.

One thing that also struck me was, that in all these 350+ posts, I have never written about myself. What I like doing, what makes me happy or which flavour of ice-cream do I prefer. Maybe because I did not find it important or maybe because I felt that you would not be interested  in knowing!

Today I came across this wonderful site, that made me realise that I must enjoy being myself. The changes in me, the thoughts that I have, They may not always make me happy, but I do know that whenever I come back to this post, it shall make me smile. Because this time I write, not for Love, or Friends not even Poetry. I am writing for myself. I am writing about Me- the person that I am. As a writer, I must introduce myself as a person to my readers and as readers, you'd celebrate me equally as my posts.

Quality begins on the inside... then works its way out. - Bob Moawad

Maybe it is because of this innateness of our thoughts that the developments in us, are reflected, not in our own selves as much as they show in our relationships. More than a woman we are a daughter, sister, wife or mother. While men are seemingly more flamboyant about their changes- Buying a bike, Learning to play guitar, Doing engineering, going for a masters programme out of India, getting an MBA and having a girlfriend and so on. For women, it is a general tendency that a woman is taught that as a daughter you are an upholder of the self-respect of the family- So no night outs, no drinking, remain a virgin till you are married, and get married to a Man chosen, by your family.

Yes, I know a section of you would taunt me to be Old-modelled and that things have changed for the good etc etc. But trust me friends, things have changed, I agree but not to the extent that it shows. There would be a handful examples of women who have led life the way they have wanted to.And many out of those women are considered "Unsocial" to put it mildly.
I am no change-maker, nor do I profess positivism such that is almost absent in our society. And here, I speak of India alone as I have not really interacted with women universally. Most of us forget to alien ourselves from the various relations and thus, our state of mind lies in others, not ourselves. Though that too is essential, one thing that I am personally going to follow is to Do what I want to do. To keep my happiness as the first priority. We often forget that a flower that has fragrance in itself, not only attracts others but also spreads the fragrance to things around it.

Also, being women, we are made to be extremely conscious of our appearance. Healthy and obese females are lowly looked at. Also they are thought to be less capable of attracting others as compared to the anorexic, thin women. I do agree that being physically attractive is a valid point. But that must never strangle our self- confidence. Having a healthy body also helps us keep fit. Being obese does have a health factor to it. But other than that, I do not think that your weight or height should have much significance.

It is high time that the shackles were broken and womanhood sprung from the dichotomies that the society holds. With time and with evolving mindsets, societal customs that prevent a woman to affirm her space, should be given up. I am so happy to see an array of Women's Studies being taught in my masters and the best part is to witness so many of them studying with such spirit-be it men or women.

Consciousness is a weapon. But how it is used, is what matters. While gaining consciousness about ourselves, strengthens our personality, a negative breeding of that very consciousness, hinders our growth and stunts our potentialities. This Woman's Day make a pledge. Not to them. or To me. But to Yourself! Be proud of who you are and the struggles you have been through. Cajole your friends and families, but pamper yourself too. You deserve the best because you are the Best. Do not let anyone take you for granted for you do not take anyone else for granted.

But in all this, remember one thing. Wrong is wrong and wrong can Never be Right. I will never support a woman who is wrong. Even though she is a woman. I will tell her that she is wrong. Before anything else you are a Human Being. Feminine features exist in both men and women. And it is not the want to dress up or the hopeless romantic feeling but femininity would be Love, Care, Affection and thinking from the heart. Everyone possesses it and must respect it. Lastly, Man are not horrendous. I have seen that they can be the best friends and much better and passionate lovers than we women. They deserve all the respect too.

With all this said, I wish to send the warmest hug to all my women readers and ask all the men to treat their women right! Let love be the ultimate aim. Cheers!

I visited this site, that helped me realise that I need to write this post. Not just for the contest, but for my own self! Do check them!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Review- Coupon Codes Guru

Hello Friends!

Have you ever wanted to get into those online shopping sites and SHOP TILL YOU DROP!
I have, most certainly.
That is when I came across this amazing site, called Coupon CodesGuru. The best part about them is that we have access to discount coupons, offers, best deals online that can be used to avail offers at sites such as Flipkart, Dominos,etc and brands and items such as Music Cds, Books, Housewares, and so much more!
You will have to see it, to believe it!

 It is also, the first initiative in India, to have so many discount coupons for such a variety of products, under one umbrella of CouponCodesGuru.com

I have been a regular visitor, and I urge all my friends to go there and have fun, getting the best deals in the town! Do give me your feedback on it!


The website is http://www.couponcodesguru.com/

They also have a Facebook page!https://www.facebook.com/CouponCodesGuru

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Woman in me, For the Women in them!

Book Fair is a crazy place to be in. Half of the crowd is too busy buying books while the other half is clueless about it's presence there! I was searching for The Secret. I had seen it a couple of times on the internet, but i wanted to keep a copy for myself. Oh, going to a book fair with almost nothing in your wallet, takes a hell lot of courage. But saving my sanity, I entered a bookstore. Ronald Dahl...Chicken Soup..India and Partition.. Kids section.. Durjoy Datta Section!...on on on... Ah! Kamasutra, New Edition..Kamasutra Revised edition...Kama-the sutra.Kaam-Sutra..Aam Sutra.. Why Sex is not Dirty...I move on... Nora Roberts.. Gandhi..Vivekananda..Bhagat Singh..Marxism in India.. What to do when you are Pregnant.. Child-rearing.. The Secret.. Oh, I finally got hold of the book in a crowd of over a million titles all scattered in no particular order!

I stand there, taking a moment of pride in having being successful in finding the book. And I almost patted my own back! Just then a quirky man, almost went past me, pushing me backwards. I jolted, unbalanced myself and held on to that shelf to keep from falling. Cursing under my breath, I looked around as if, all of a sudden, conscious of my own presence. Thankfully, no one was looking!

I saw a board with 25% discount on all books, written on it. Relief spread over my face, maybe now I could buy that book! I turned over the book to see its price. And in a jiffy, my mind acted like a calculator, with numbers jumping into my imagination, flying all across randomly. About 500 INR. Nope, still not my cup of tea!
I take a deep sigh and with my back, now hunched, I move towards the exit.

And my eyes fall on her. This woman, must be aged between 45-50 years. She looked like a typical Indian married woman of her age, a family-woman. She must have a son and a daughter, a loving husband who might have had out the white chameli garland onto her curly hair which was knotted into a bun. My eyes followed her gaze and stunted at its end She was looking at the Kamasutra-revised edition with the eyes, that of a child. Excitement, bewilderment? I couldn't tell. Just to state it in the simplest of fashion, I have never seen a woman look at such books with such interest!

She looked around, as I pretended to check some other books. Then she slyly picked up the book, and saw the end-cover page for the price. Her eyes then stopped at the same board, that hung loosely at one end of the bookshop. And to my amazement, she too, dwelled into her thoughts to calculate the price. I let out a giggle, unable to handle the awkwardness. But I couldn't go away. I had to know. Would she? Would she buy the book? Would she be embarrassed?
Too many questions spun in my mind and she at a painfully slow gesture, placed her palm in the centre of the book. The cover page had a man's hand over a woman's lower back and her palm almost draped the entire picture, leaving the waist denuded.

She closed her eyes, and smiled. That smile, was like the one, that comes when you achieve something blissful.Like a warrior had conquered, or I would have had after solving a maths problem! She stood there, with closed eyes, uncanny about the world stomping around her. And I stood at the other end, watching her live that moment, enjoying it with her. A smile rested calmly on my lips too.

A minute or two passed by. She finally opened her eyes. The smile had vanished. Her eyes, now empty of emotions scrolled at the book, one last time. Then she placed the book back on the shelf. And turned away. Yes, she turned away to another section, not turning around even once. She had disowned that happiness, that momentary pleasure as if it never existed. My mind told me to forget her and move on. I hate to visit many more stalls. But she had an enigma. Why did she let herself down? She could have bought the book- that made her so happy. 
I felt hotness arising in my cheeks, as I wanted to help that woman. I even moved forward, when I retrieved my steps. She was at the kid's section. She wasn't morose. She was laughing, much more loudly than she had, just minutes back.

I stared at her, puzzled. Then I saw her son, about 10-12 year old, tugging at her Saree, to buy a book.He rounded her in circles, in an attempt to convince her and buy that book. Jungle Book-revised edition, it read. And she, was laughing at the pandemonium her little fellow was creating. She picked up the book, turned it over to the end-cover page. She bit her lip, looked at her son and declared, Lets take this!

The kid hopped in pleasure and followed his mother into the billing section. I moved on, loafering in the stalls, and ended up buying some boring history-related books and clicking pictures of  some horrid "fiction" books. Perhaps I won't see her again. In fact, I might not even recognise her, even if we do. But those eyes, and that smile. There are definitely same things, that Money can never buy. Some pleasures that we sacrifice, some moments that make up for years of grievances.. 

This is the woman who inspired me today. I don't wish to comment on whether she did the right thing or not.Or whether it was a sacrifice on her part or an ignorance of her sexuality..It doesn't matter. Because sometimes, we take years to live..yet some moments, we live the most.